facing the fails

patah balik masa 2 march 2015.

result UPS semester 2 keluar. perjuangan terakhir untuk UPS di matrikulasi, before face the final PSPM laa. entah laa. masa hari tuu, aku tak rasa apa pun. debar pun tak. aku bangun macam biasa. makan macam biasa. semua macam biasa. aku rasa biasa. masa tunggu giliran nak ambil result, aku relax gilaa kot. tak rasa apa pun.

tapi macam biasa laa. setiap kali aku rasa relax masa ambil result, mesti ada something buruk yang berlaku. result aku turun. aku cuma dapat A untuk physics je. B+ untuk math and biology. B- untuk chemist. pointer cuma manage dapat 3.33. the killer subject dari zaman samura lagi, chemistry. haishh.

at first aku ok je. aku jalan macam biasa menuju ke arah blok kediaman aku, blok D al-razi. sampai kt tgh jln tiba-tiba aku rasa lain macam, aku lajukan langkah ke arah bilik aku. naseb baik tingkat satu je. sampai bilik, aku settle down. pandang locker, and for suddenly i broke into tears. i feel so useless. 3.33 je weyh. UPS yang lepas aku dpt 3.40. but for the semester 2 UPS aku cuma dapat 3.33 je? aku rasa takda harapan.

aku terus nangis macam budak kecil yang sesat kat shopping complex. i tried to relax but i just can't. i keep on crying on the result. aku capai phone and message my mom. but then she said eveything gonna be okay dokey diet cokey. but then i still crying while typing the messages. she said, do i want her to come over at KMJ? but then i still pretend that everything is okey dokey and diet cokey. pretending is super me. pretending everything is just okay when everything is going upside down. i keep on crying until i feel like stopping.

i stop crying and look forward. because i know, to be someone i have to be brave in facing the fails. the fails that would make me somebody in forward.